one week mark - almost going home.

Hello,
I am nearing the end of my year Spain experience. It definetly has been fulfilling, whorthwile, every moment - ok not every moment - but at least every week, full of adventure and new things. I have loved bursting out of my comfortzone and exploring the world. I don´t miss college life as much as I thought I would, it was always a fun experience there too with parties and road trips and roommate late night randomness, but there was always something missing there for me. It was too much the same with too many unimportant things with such a little outlook on bigger things. even when I look at pictures on facebook of my friends and some of the fun things they are doing, or old pics of my my freshmen year, I don´t really feel that I am missing out. I feel that I have experienced that but I don´t desire to go back to that. I´m always looking for new things, maybe there will be a new way to do school later. I bet it would be different married going to a different university!
I am glad I was here during the presidential elections. I heard alot of different opinos, I saw how much American Politics affect other people around the world. I learned why people did vote for Obama and why people did not like Bush. I´ve seen a lot of people who lack faith in a God. Spaniards are not a the high-faith end of things, I haven´t met one yet who is totally religious, but they are out there. Most people live with the eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die type of attitude. Which is ok - aren´t we all just trying to be happy? I guess if you asked my why I choose to follow my church it would be that - to be happy. And its not even so much of a -happyness for the future- type of thing either. My religion makes me happy daily. It helps me chose a lifestye without crisis, orients me with goals and refreshing perspectives, gives me hope with repentence and change. I know that every situacion can get better and I don´t have to cry over death. If you ask me, I eat healthy, drink frequently (eight glasses a day), and live very merrily with high hopes and love for what is around me. I couldn´t sacrifice all this for something so, as it seems to me, empty and boring.

I used to be a fan of blogging but it has lost its spark for me. But I have alot of thoughts in my head and I want to get them out. And now i dont feel any more motivation - geez blogspot!

I'm so content! I just found the book that I need to read for Literature on line, complete, with the Eng and Span translations side by side. And to think I was even tempted to Buy it! haha, tahts life sucker~!

lo lisa que era tu sonrisa

And then we land back into marvelous. Bliss. Friends. Every moment flowing harmonic, pink and creamy swirls. The black inked rose sketched onto the kitchen table napkin. The arms abrigoed around my blanket full of trust love and comfort. It's easy to be with you and the afternoons seem to pass us by like the soft breeze in the trees; hardly noticed and gentle. For now we can continue así enjoying the stillness of the situation, but soon there will come a time where the rest of the world will be pushing us forward and we'll have to decide in which directions we will go and which of the maletas will we be carrying with us.

los problemas de vuelta

I feel that I have not had the chance that I deserve. No, that is a lie. I have had a lot of chances but have wasted or better colloquially said, blown them all. But I am still asking for another chance. I think that I deserve it, and now that I can actually see where and how I have been wrong, I think that this time I will be able to do it better, a lot better. Please. I promise I wont be so proud this time, so cold. I will lower my guard just try to let lose and open up a little. laugh at myself, get to know people and not worry so much about how I am coming off. Why didn't I realize the faults of my ways sooner? Why didn't I just admit that I was wrong in the first place and then have given myself the efficient time to recuperate and attack with the Susie Spice that is really me. I feel that because I clocked myself with the mask of fear and shyness that night, I have lost your trust and respect forever. Worse, the intrigue is gone. For this reason I sit alone at home. Although you had promised to call me tonight, I wait by the silent phone. What did I do wrong? Where did it change? Can it ever come back? Can I ever get it back?
Maybe without you I will be better off. More space in my head to think about other things. School, work, school. This could be the best thing for my grades yet. But I'll miss you. I miss thinking about you. I miss holding your hand and rubbing my fingers through your short hair. I miss looking in your soft eyes especially when they are on the brim of tears. Not spilling over, but just moist enough that they glisten or sparkle in the reflecting light coming in from the passenger side door. I wont miss your blasting music or beeping seat belt sound. Or or or ....ok there is not much else that I wont miss about you.
Once again, in my defense I will say that if given the chance to go back and do it again I would do it differently. I am not the person that I you saw then, but much better, much funner, much fuller than that. I was younger then, stupider, scareder.
Wish your family and friends hi for me. Considering the situation it wont be hard to describe to them how or why my name has drifted from conversations and from your schedule book.

away on VaQue

Madrid, Espana

se queda en el corazon

otro chico enmorado de mi

why does this always happen to me? I don't ask for it, I don't look for it, I even tell them that I don't want it - not looking for anything other than friends. But they give roses, they sing songs, they dance with you on the corner wanting to show to the world the strong emotions they have for you. And then there is always dinner and a movie for a second ' getting to know each other ' party. Can this guy be for real? (does he realize how ridiculous cheesy and shallow he sounds?) too bad he goes to capilla...