los problemas de vuelta

I feel that I have not had the chance that I deserve. No, that is a lie. I have had a lot of chances but have wasted or better colloquially said, blown them all. But I am still asking for another chance. I think that I deserve it, and now that I can actually see where and how I have been wrong, I think that this time I will be able to do it better, a lot better. Please. I promise I wont be so proud this time, so cold. I will lower my guard just try to let lose and open up a little. laugh at myself, get to know people and not worry so much about how I am coming off. Why didn't I realize the faults of my ways sooner? Why didn't I just admit that I was wrong in the first place and then have given myself the efficient time to recuperate and attack with the Susie Spice that is really me. I feel that because I clocked myself with the mask of fear and shyness that night, I have lost your trust and respect forever. Worse, the intrigue is gone. For this reason I sit alone at home. Although you had promised to call me tonight, I wait by the silent phone. What did I do wrong? Where did it change? Can it ever come back? Can I ever get it back?
Maybe without you I will be better off. More space in my head to think about other things. School, work, school. This could be the best thing for my grades yet. But I'll miss you. I miss thinking about you. I miss holding your hand and rubbing my fingers through your short hair. I miss looking in your soft eyes especially when they are on the brim of tears. Not spilling over, but just moist enough that they glisten or sparkle in the reflecting light coming in from the passenger side door. I wont miss your blasting music or beeping seat belt sound. Or or or ....ok there is not much else that I wont miss about you.
Once again, in my defense I will say that if given the chance to go back and do it again I would do it differently. I am not the person that I you saw then, but much better, much funner, much fuller than that. I was younger then, stupider, scareder.
Wish your family and friends hi for me. Considering the situation it wont be hard to describe to them how or why my name has drifted from conversations and from your schedule book.